and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
