the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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