Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
