You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
