I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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