We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
