They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
