You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.