There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..