i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
