I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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