I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
