Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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