Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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