I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
