mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
