i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
