I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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