just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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