I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
