there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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