He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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