Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
