I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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