It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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These tits shall not be calmed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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