whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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