Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.