so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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