when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.