If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
