im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2