god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
