Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
