I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
