This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
