Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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