this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
