she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize