saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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