Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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