I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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