How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
