ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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