I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
