i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
