Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
