he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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