I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
