Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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