she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
