Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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