Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
