What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
