I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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