Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
