what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
