I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
