how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
