Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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