He kissed a someone with a penis
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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