Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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