Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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