I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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