im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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