My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
