Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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