dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
