Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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