i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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