Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
