Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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