Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
