i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
