I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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