He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
