Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
