Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
