Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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