Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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