it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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