I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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