Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
