the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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