I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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