I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
