My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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