one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
